When Hope Hurts
As 2017 draws to a close I wonder if you find yourself with a desire that you so dearly hoped would have come to pass this year. Yet, as you stand at the end of 2017 it still seems so far out of reach! How do we summon the courage and dare to keep believing even when hope begins to hurt?
Maybe you’re in a place now where you have held onto hope for so long, hope for the right man to walk into your life, hope for that career you’ve dreamt of, or hope that one day you will find true peace and holding onto that hope is draining every ounce of your strength.
I totally understand and my prayer is that as you read a snippet of my story you will find the courage to hold onto hope!
{My story is one of hope lost and hope found}
Hope is meant to bring excitement and anticipation. Hope is a joy that wells up from within our very soul, but what happens when our hope no longer brings anticipation but deep grief? What do we do when it hurts too much to hope?
I had anticipated and hoped for a second child, the thought of bringing another life into this world to love and nurture consumed my desires. Month after month I held onto hope, but as the months turned into years my hope turned into bitter disappointment. As each year passed, my womb remained barren and so did my hope. There is nothing more painful than having your raised expectations come shattering down around you.
We have all felt the sting of disappointment. When that medical report showed no improvement, or that friend walked out of your life, or that job you worked so hard for fell through.
Disappointment enforces our hopelessness and engages our history. It ties our hearts in knots of fear and anxiety until all we can see is the pain. Our vision becomes filled with the loss of what we had so deeply desired.
As I sat in the doctor’s office and heard him tell me oh so casually that it would be “very unlikely that I would be able to conceive another child” everything screamed GIVE UP!!
For the next few weeks, these two words ‘give up’ were being thrown around my soul like shrapnel in a storm, cutting and wounding as the darkness began to settle in.
It was in that dark and wild storm as I cried out for the pain to stop that I heard a familiar voice “Daughter, I am here”. Suddenly there was a deafening silence, I found myself in the eye of the storm, completely still. The pain, disappointment, questions and hurt continued to rage all around me but I found that I was face to face with Love Himself. My Father had found me in the middle of the darkness, in my hopelessness and in my disappointment. When everything screamed ‘give up’ my Father whispered, ‘I am here’. His presence stilled my soul. I handed over every broken piece of my heart, every broken hope and every tear that I had cried. He reminded me that I was His and He would never disappoint me.
As I continue this journey I keep my gaze fixed on my Father’s eyes, the eyes of Love, even when the storm rages around me. He is my peace, He is my hope and He is my song among the sorrow.
{I have found my healing pulse of hope and He is available for all who call on Him}
“I am the Lord; those who hope in me will not be disappointed” Isaiah 49:23
Whatever we are struggling to hope for, let’s pause for a moment and look into the Father’s eyes, where we will discover love, peace, hope & courage for our 2018!
“God is the one who can make a valley of trouble a door of hope” Catherine Marshall
Elise Heerde is a wife, mother, teacher and writer from Melbourne who loves Jesus and passionately shares about the grace, hope and love that He offers to all. She deeply desires to see the broken made whole, the captives set free and the lost brought home.
She found freedom from long-term depression and anxiety in Jesus and now dedicates her life to empowering and inspiring others to live in the freedom that comes from having a personal relationship with Jesus. You can find her instagram account here @her.anchor
Elise has a Diploma in Ministry and is currently studying her Bachelor of Arts in Biblical Studies.
